My RAD Story

She was physically abused by her single mother and grandmother through her early childhood. At age 3, she was kidnapped by her father and taken to CPS. She had two failed family placements with adult siblings and was in three different orphanages. At age 6 she was declared abandoned and her parents’ parental rights were terminated. Our adoption agency presented her case to us and our heart broke for her - OF COURSE we had room in our house and hearts for this child! OF COURSE we would love her like our bio children! Through the trauma of adoption she learned English, our family dynamics and our US culture. Over the next six years we tried to answer the question often asked, “How’s it going?” We would tell people that loving her is like trying to fill a culendar with tap water. Parenting her is like building sand castles at low tide…twice a day we start over…all the way over. Our friends empathized and shared in our difficulties, but they really didn’t understand. THIS was different. We couldn’t put our finger on it. Our psychologist and physician directed us to Borderline Personality Disorder resources - there were some shared symptoms, but again, this was different. We sought out a therapist’s help and she worked to address PTSD - it didn’t work. At age 12 she sabotaged our family in an irreparable way and was removed from our home. It was at this time we learned about Reactive Attachment Disorder. We had no idea how backwards and upside down the RAD mind is. Turns out, we WEREN’T going crazy and our situation WAS different from all of our friends raising challenging kids. We simultaneously felt devastation and vindication. We found connections with RAD families who understood what the local professionals didn’t. I’ve scoured the internet searching for meaning and resources, I’ve compiled the information most applicable to our life story in an effort to help others. It’s hard learning about RAD when you have a RAD kid in your home, so I’ve tried to finger-tip and bottom-line information for others.

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